Inspired by the recent Boston College fatherhood study, Boston-based parenting blogger Kami Lewis Levin (The Fence: A Working Mom’s Blog) interviewed her husband Seth Lewis Levin (Dadventures in Beantown) to get his perspective on fatherhood and work-life balance.
Interview With My Man: Working Dad Extraordinaire
Kami: Do you love me?
Seth: Umm, can I come back to that one?
Kami: Ok. We are starting for real now. When did you realize you were ready to be a dad?
Seth: I don’t know that I realized I was ready. At some point you were eager to start having kids and I conceded.
Kami: Sorry for twisting your arm. I was right though. I’m always right.
Seth: You wish. Anyway, I remember sitting on the floor playing with Sydney [our four year old]…he must have been 6 or 8 months old…and he was this little person totally dependent on me. He was crawling over me to get a book and I remember thinking he was gonna hit his head and if anything happened to him…
Kami: Wait, I thought I was the alarmist in this family.
Seth: You are.
Kami: Ahem, so, what’s it like being a working dad? Are you psyched that you get to leave the house in the mornings before our two year old throws his first tantrum of the day?
Seth: I’m never excited to leave in the morning. I love my job but I would chose to spend more time with my kids, not less. Every minute I have with them feels high stakes. Every minute matters. There’s no room to be tired or impatient or to not want to play with them. I’m not giving 100% to my job, myself or you guys. All I do is multi-task. Even when I’m relaxing. Right now, for instance, I’m watching the Celtics game while I’m answering your questions.
Kami: But that’s just because of playoffs, right?
Seth: (winks.)
Kami: Who are your working dad role models?
Seth: [My longtime friend] Brian because he’s able to have a really meaningful, challenging career that he manages to put on hold every time he needs to prioritize his kids, his wife or himself. When his twins were born, I think he took like 2 months off. I can’t imagine doing that. I felt weird taking two weeks.
Kami: You didn’t take two weeks.
Seth: See?
Kami: We are approaching your fourth Father’s Day. What does that mean to you? Has the significance of Father’s Day changed for you?
Seth: I no longer feel like Father’s Day is for my dad. It took me at least two years to identify as actually being someone’s dad. There should be a day of the year to recognize me in that role. I think I sacrifice an enormous amount in the interest of our family. Providing a financially stable home, putting food on the table…
Kami: Bringing home the bacon. The extra thick, delicious kind…
Seth: (makes a mean face)
Kami: Sorry. What do you like about being a working dad? How does your work as an elementary school principal influence your parenting?
Seth: I spend a lot of time with four year olds, reading about their behavior, talking to professionals about them and it’s made me a more interested and invested dad and educator ’cause I have my own little men at home. But sometimes I hate that. Sometimes I’d like to not know so much and be able to figure it out with you.
Kami: What else do you hate about being a working dad?
Seth: I hate that every minute I’m not with them I’m thinking about work instead of thinking what our next adventure will be. Or about how to get them to sleep through the night. I have 360 other children to worry about. Mine are healthy and happy, it’s hard to feel like I have the luxury of worrying about them.
Kami: Why do you think society shies away from conversations around the challenges that working dads face today?
Seth: I don’t think dads are prone to complaining or admitting struggles. I think that’s the expectation of men. The conversation is usually about deadbeat dads, dads who are absent. Not dads who are…we only get negative press. It’s kind of b.s. You don’t hear about deadbeat moms…
Kami: I think there might be a Lifetime Movie about one.
Seth: Seriously, I think there’s a double standard. No one’s out there advocating for men. Everyone acknowledges that it’s hard [to be a working dad] but no one wants to do anything about it. There’s no rest for the weary. I walk in the door at 6:30pm and I gotta be as on my game as I was at 6:30 in the morning. I gotta make sure there’s food on the table and the mortgage is paid and that you’re happy and they’re happy. And that I leave all that craziness from work in my car.
Kami: Thanks for the food on the table. Especially the bacon. You’re a really good cook.
Seth: (mean face redux)
Kami: What’s one piece of advice you’d impart to our sons when and if they have babies of their own?
Seth: Keep your eye on the prize. As long as your kids are healthy and happy, nothing else really matters.
Read more from Boston-based parenting blogger Kami Lewis Levin at her blog The Fence: A Working Mom’s Blog. Her husband Seth Lewis Levin’s blog is Dadventures in Beantown. They have two sons, ages 2 and 4.
