Giving your child a doll is a nice way to help them "practice" being an older sibling.
I tend to get so caught up in the physical and mental aspects of pregnancy that I don’t think as much as I should about how things will go after the baby comes. Sure, I think about breastfeeding and co-sleeping and strollers. But it’s hard to visualize your actual life with a new baby.
The transition for my husband and I will be a big one, as we go from one child to two. But it will be an even bigger transition for my son, whose charmed life as an only child is about to be disrupted in a big way.
Our original plan was to wait until our son was older to have another child, but now I’m glad it’s working out the way it is. My son, Graham, is 2 and a half. He walks and talks. He asks for what he wants. He says please and thank you. He eats on his own. He plays independently. Right now I’m feeling like I struck the big-brother-jackpot. He’s independent enough that I think he can manage himself pretty well as we transition.
The upside of having the baby now instead of later is that Graham hasn’t yet learned to be possessive. “Mine” isn’t a word that plays a big role in his life. He still lives in that toddler-world where he can have so many things that he doesn’t seem to mind if something is Mommy’s or Daddy’s. He isn’t exactly at sharing level yet, but he’s easily distractible when another kid swoops in for a toy.
Lots of people have given great suggestions about how to help a child get ready for a younger sibling. A lot of it centers around all the gifts and attention the new baby gets. We are lucky that Graham finds opening any present exciting, whether or not it’s for him, so he often gets to open the baby’s gifts.
To make sure Graham has plenty of attention, my mother is coming into town this weekend. With 3 adults on hand, we should be able to keep him monitored and busy and happy.
One thing I’ve definitely worked on is preparing him to interact with the new baby. He knows the baby is in my belly. He gives it gentle pats and kisses. We’re using the words “soft” and “gentle” quite a lot. We got him a baby doll a few months ago and the doll now has a stroller, a bed and a bouncy chair of its own. Graham loves to push his toys and run, his shopping cart could be mistaken for a race car. But when it comes to the stroller, he knows he has to walk slowly and carefully. He gives his baby hugs and kisses and we remind him to be quiet when he puts the baby in its bed.
I know this could all go awry once the actual baby shows up. But it gives us something to work on and a frame of reference when the big day is actually here.
I’m excited knowing my kids will be siblings and to watch them grow up together and build a relationship. It will be a while before they can play together, but for now I’m going to do what I can to keep my son happy with all the changes in our family.
What suggestions do you have to help your children adapt to a new baby?
I recommend taking a Sibling class to prepare your older child. In the Isis class each child gets a doll to hold and learns everything from what babies eat to quiet activities they can do while baby is napping. We sing favorite songs to the babies, practice some gentle infant massage and then draw a picture for mom to take to the birth site with her. We also watch a video that is funny and engaging for the 3 – 6 year old age group. The video explores the spectrum of feelings that one experiences as a new older sibling, shows the kids what a birthing room looks like and reviews the dos and don’ts of handling babies. We finish up with a book and hand out Super Sibling certificates to each child. It’s a lot of fun! Also, some hospitals offer Sibling Tours if you want your child to check out your birth site beforehand.
I think that’s a great strategy!
The book “NurtureShock” has some interesting research about siblings and how well they get along. Apparently studies suggest that the single greatest factor predicting how well two siblings get along is the OLDER child’s behavior – if he bullies other kids, including his friends, is bossy and snatchy, then the siblings are more likely to fight. If he is kind and considerate of others (particularly his friends) the siblings will get along fine.
Considering how nice Graham is to his doll, I don’t think you have anything to worry about!
Our son is 2.9 years and we’re expecting a little sister in May. I just got a really cute book which seems perfect for this age group. Title is “I’m a Big Brother” by Joanna Cole. My son really likes the book. It features a brown-haired boy, and the sex of the new baby is unspecified.